The Kids Are Back from College: Are Your Ready For Them?

If you’re the parent of a college student returning home for the summer, you're both elated and maybe a little apprehensive about having them back.

The reality is college students generally forsake all boundaries. And although they are thrust into the midst of an intellectually stimulating and intensely academic environment, for your adult child, returning to propriety can be understandably jarring.

Therefore an effort is required, on both sides, to make adjustments.

I speak from experience on this subject, after just having this conversation with my daughter. Be forewarned that broaching this subject might be touchy as the intended receiver is immediately poised to protect their newly established lifestyle.

For even the most well-behaved students, returning home can be daunting because they have become accustomed to exerting their own influence and "playing by their own rules."

To make the entire process less intimidating for all parties involved, it is best to stage a conversation that will set the tone for every visit home instead of setting the stage for a power struggle.

The topic should focus on changing expectations and responsibilities. Parents, it's your home and its OK to set boundaries.

On the other hand, realize how much freedom your college student has had away from home and trust in his or her ability to behave like an adult.

Here are some things you might want to talk about:

Curfew: It would stand to reason that they should not be expected to adhere to high school guidelines. Time should be negotiable. It will be easier to address this subject sympathetically, simply stating even though they are grown, you will worry.

Chores: Set an expectation for what you expect them to do around the house. At the very least, they should clean up after themselves.

Privacy: Letting go is very difficult, but you have to put yourself in their shoes. Respect is a two-way street. Don’t eavesdrop on their conversations, read their personal correspondence or go snooping through their rooms.

Overnight guests: Chances are they will invite a "friend" home for the weekend. Sleeping arrangements should be articulated and if you aren’t comfortable with them staying in your home, be prepared to foot a hotel bill. Likewise, public displays of affection are a given in a new relationship. If this makes you uncomfortable this is another point that should be articulated.

Family obligations: This one is hard. Your child is technically grown. Many embrace different religious and political views in college. You may feel disappointed that they no longer want to attend a religious service with the family. Don't push in most cases they will come around. Also, inclusion on extended weekends to visit or take care of family members shouldn’t be expected.

Changing views: This is an important part of becoming an adult. Although your child may question certain beliefs and opinions, have faith in the direction they were given in the first 18 years of life. Chances are you have raised them to be independent thinkers who are able to discern between right and wrong.

Above all, continually communicate with each other and enjoy this new phase of your relationship. There is a certain satisfaction in watching your "baby" grow into an adult as you both develop an even stronger bond that will last the rest of your lives.